I was a terrible person to Mike before we officially started dating… In college, I dated lots of boys—none of them worth mentioning. But poor Mike had the ill-fortune of getting swept up in my whirlwind of fickle womanhood. I didn’t know what I wanted out of relationships, I toyed with emotions, I teased. Yeah, I was THAT GIRL. Shame on me! In fact, I sort of dumped him… twice.
The first time, he thought we were dating, but I never really made my intentions clear and I thought we were just friends. He forgave me. The second time (a year later), I couldn’t decide who to date: Mike or some punk-rock skater kid. I strung them both along for a week or so, and ultimately chose the skater kid. Naturally, Mike was not amused. I told him that I saw him more as a “future thing”… I guess I just wasn’t ready to settle for one dude. We went our separate ways for a while and Mike was extremely bitter—can you blame him!? I did feel terrible about what I had done, but I couldn’t go on dating two boys at once.
Obviously, things didn’t work out with the skater kid; he found himself a nice skater girl and broke up with my preppy ass the following fall. With skater kid out of the picture, Mike and I eased back into friendship. He cautiously let me back into his life and I tried to be as gentle as possible because I knew I had hurt him pretty seriously with my horrible behavior. I was lucky he didn’t abandon me entirely.
Once we were back on friendly terms, he made me a mix tape. It was full of songs that had particular meaning given our relationship status. Surely he hadn’t chosen those songs accidentally—he had intentionally picked songs that would make me feel guilty. And, oh man, did they ever. What can I say? I deserved it.
A song that makes you feel guilty
Fiona Apple “Criminal”
The following Spring, we started dating… officially. And the rest is history.
